"What I Want" -- The List

I took a long walk down memory lane today. I have mixed feelings about this walk. Part of me laughed out load at the notes between some of my best friends and myself during high school. The other part of me wanted to cry when I read an email from a dear friend who I would never see again. I also read a lot of things that I wrote during a very antsy and uncertain time of my life. It's like looking back at yourself 10 years ago and wanting to reach into that letter/email/IM and scream, "It will all turn out alright!" or "Don't date that guy, he's a jackass!" or "Cheer up, it's only PMS!!" It amazes me how much I angsted in my teens. It also amazes me that I'm exactly that same girl. I remember everything as if it happened yesterday. I remember the emotion attached to each letter, each scribble. Yup, I am that girl - just 10 years older and wiser.

I'm sure when I'm 40, I'm going to look back at myself now (age 27) and go, "Gee, I sure worried a lot." or "If only I knew then what I know now..."

In other news, I came across a list I created in my college years. It was hidden between pages in my Chem II notebook (i just threw up a little thinking about Chem II).

This list was simply titled, "What I Want."

I must have just gone through a break up with my high school love muffin, or gotten fed up with the Fratty boys I had dated. Whatever the reason, I decided to make a list of what I really wanted in a man. Here goes...

- someone I can be excited to start my life with

- someone I find very attractive, even on their ugly days

- ... who wants what I want in life

- ... I'd be proud to have kids with

- ... who could provide if I ever when I want to raise a family

- ... with passion about something

- ... who makes me feel hot

- ... who's genuinely happy

- ... who loves animals

- ... who makes me feel taken care of

- ... my parents LOVE

- ... who I can imagine giving a lot to and not always being selfish

- ... with excellent manners

- ... who makes me feel like a lady

- ... with amazing communication skills

- ... with a close relationship with their family

- Gotta be a Christian

I shared it with Happy Pants this evening. Funny how he meets all my "qualifications." I showed it to my mom too, and she said, God must have been reading that list over your shoulder. :)

Sometimes memory lane can lead to some neat findings. I also found a hilarious letter I wrote to my future self back in Junior High (in which my biggest crush, Matt, also added that I had a nice "toosh"), and a note from my mom when we were at a convention telling me that whatever happens, just be my wonderful, genuine self and no matter what, I was worth every penny that it cost to be there.

Twas fun. I only have the energy to walk memory lane once in a blue moon. It's pretty dang exhausting reliving your past, but I wouldn't trade any of it.

So we meet again, lofty loft

So remember my tiny dilemma - to loft or not to loft? Well, once again, that is the question.

On complete and utter accident (note: I'm inherently random and kinda all over the place so I come across a lot of things by chance), I found some loft apartments above this adorable, small shopping area with little adorable boutiques and restaurants and wine bars, etc. The town is ranked one of the best places to live in the nation. This is the type of place I dream of. Where I look up at the balconies and sigh and say to myself, "Oh, wouldn't that be sah-weet?"

Well, I decided to be random once again and call the property manager and go take a look at one of the units. Just in case. It's not hurting anyone. Well, except me when I get excited and can't stop thinking about the place and lay awake at night planning out my living room furniture arrangement. Sigh... I guess it hurts a little.

Anyway, for where these apartments are and for what they are, it's a FAB price. They are running a special where you get 2 months free and I would prorate that, which makes it pretty affordable (affordable for those who have a clue what their commission checks will look like, and I don't. Yet.)

Friday after work, I sat outside of the loft leasing office for 45 minutes. No lie. I got an expense reimbursement check and had enough for the deposit. I could have put a deposit down to hold my fabulous little loft with a view. But I just couldn't make it work (financially) in my brain. So I prayed about it, called my mom, drove in circles, called my mom, went to Starbucks, texted my mom, drove around again, and finally left. I'm sure a few tenants have already decided that I'm a stalker. Whatev.

I just couldn't make it work on paper and it depressed me to no end. So, I decided I am going to continue to pray about taking that leap of faith. I have some brainstorming (and re-budgeting) to do and if the unit is still available once I make my decision, then I'll know I did the right thing.

I can't wait to see what lies ahead! (please be the loft, please be the loft, please be the loft...)

Meant to beeeeee

Sooo...my love (Happy Pants) and I have a few cute stories about times where we've either been "married" or "engaged" according to someone or something.

It's like the universe is trying to tell us something.

That or everyone is crazy.

That or we just look like an old married couple.

That or I have this giddy glow about me.

OR it's just in the cards that we're meant to be. (and I don't believe in cards, I believe in God, but I'm just sayin'...)

Anyhoo. The first time Happy Pants brought me home to his mom's was Christmas of 2008. It was too early by all my standards to be going to meet mom. And at Christmastime of all times! But I went anyway because I'm nuts. On Sunday morning at church, his grandfather (who already loved me, I just know it) announced to the whole church, "This is my grandson and his fiance." Granted, he was 78 at the time. He's allowed to have a brain fart. My boyfriend's brother turned to us and quietly joked, "When were you going to tell the rest of us?"

Recently, a magazine along with a few pamphlets showed up at my house from Sandals resorts. It was their wedding and honeymoon information. I don't know who or what caused these to arrive in my hands. I may or may not have thumbed through each of them. ;)

About a month ago, while in Arkansas for a wedding, my boyfriend and I were patiently waiting for an elevator in our hotel. While waiting, a charming little 8 or 9 year old with a huge grin on her face approached us. We smiled back at her and asked if she was going up. She just looked at both of us a little longer, analyzing. Then she finally spoke, "You've got a nice wife!" to which Happy Pants replied, "Thank you!" Then we got on the elevator (alone) and giggled at the little girl's odd remark. We didn't feel the need to explain to an 8 year old. Just go with the flow on that one.

And at work, there's my boss who constantly checks my ring finger and calls Happy Pants my "future husband to be."

Then you count the multiple people and multiple times Happy Pants has heard "When are you going to put a ring on her finger?" and "Never mind how the weekend went, did you propose?" Poor guy. He gets it from his co-workers too. Even ones I've never met. It's awesome.

I guess he doesn't need any pressure from this girl. He's got all the "hints" he could have ever asked for. Personally, I can't wait. Each weekend I spend with him I feel we grow closer.

I can, however, wait to plan a wedding [shudder]. Talk about stress.

My 30 Before 30 List

I decided to take a great idea from another blogger and create my own "30 Before 30" list. Let's clarify...I only have approximately 2.5 years before I'm 30 (ugh!), so this might be a stretch (financially) to get it all done in that amount of time.

Note: I reserve the right to edit this list as time goes on. If I decide I want to sky dive and/or develop a terrible fear of dolphins, then there will be some editing. Just keepin' it real.

Anyway, it's neat to create this list. You should try it.

Before I'm 30, I will...

1. Play in the rain
2. Sing in front of someone other than my steering wheel
3. Get engaged
4. Become a Big Sister (big brothers big sisters)
5. Adopt/rescue a golden retriever/lab
6. Move to a new city
7. Visit Europe
8. Wine tasting in Napa Valley
9. Jet ski
10. Swim with dolphins
11. Give a public speech without losing sleep
12. Find a church and happily attend
13. Take a pottery class
14. Join a gym
15. Learn one song on guitar
16. Attend at least one Operation Kindness gala
17. Give blood
18. Run a 5k or 10k
19. Ride in a hot air balloon
20. Experience a TRUE spa day
21. Learn to shoot a gun
22. Go skiing
23. Take my parents out for a fancy dinner
24. Take my first cruise
25. Visit family in Chicago and explore downtown
26. Be able to say, “Yes, I golf.”
27. Learn a new craft
28. Let go of the stuff that does me no good to keep
29. Get a quilt made of all my keepsake t-shirts
30. Become a kick-butt sales rep