Sunday, January 24, 2010

A week of hard(ish) conversations

Remember I started that job that didn't pay well, but it was something in a time where I was desperate?

Well, my last day was Friday.

No more waking up at 5:30
No more driving an hour in God-knows-what kind of traffic
No more wearing a suit every day

No more paycheck (even if it was teensie weensie)

No, I didn't just up and quit. I thought long and hard about the thought of staying there. I also gained information that I wasn't given in my interview. Information that may have swayed my decision in ever starting. I was finally able to ask my questions and I got a highly disappointing answer. The day I found out that the chance of them paying what I needed was very low, I was completely bummed. Then I had to go to work every day pretending to care when, mentally, I had already checked out.

I remembered during my interview, Holly asked me to be totally honest with her. If I ever got bored, or decided it wasn't for me, to tell her and she'd be happy to find me something else. So I called her on a Thursday right at 5:00 and spilled the beans. It would have been MUCH easier to just leave and never come back and assume they understood why. But I owed it to them to tell them it wasn't where I saw myself in a few years down the road, and that it would never pay me what I needed. I have never in my life sat down a boss and told them that it wasn't going to work. That was hard convo #1.

Once the owner got wind of my leaving, he scheduled a time to sit down and talk to me. So I gave him the same info that I gave Holly. And, bless him, he didn't beg me to stay. Sometimes I get caught up or put on the spot, and I'm too nice and I'll agree to almost anything. But thankfully, he could see that I just wasn't passionate about the company. He was very gracious, and so was I. But it was still hard to look him in the eye and tell him that HIS company, his blood, sweat, and tears, wasn't my calling. That was hard convo #2.

Some other night that week, on my long drive home, I was talking to my boyfriend. He is probably almost as stressed as I am about my lengthy and painful job search. So during the conversation, we both got really stressed out and started taking it out on each other. However, we finally decided to act like adults and share our feelings - stuff we've put off saying (because at times, there is no point in bringing it up when there's no solution). He feels very out of control of the whole situation, as do I. The situation being us having been together over a year, and never having lived in the same area code. He lives in Austin and I live in DFW. Does it make us not want to be together? No. We can't imagine not being together. He said if we have to continue doing this long-distance, then he's in it for the long haul. But wouldn't it be great to not have to schedule a week in advance to see each other? Wouldn't it be amazing to just have dinner together after work? Unwind with a glass of wine together? Cuddle up and watch a movie on a rainy day? HELL YES! We want that!!! So that was hard convo #3.

Now I start from square one tomorrow. I have a list of places I want to call/email/apply. Some in Austin, some here in DFW. My boyfriend was up visiting this weekend, and we had a wonderful weekend together. It really made all the craziness fade into the background. :)

I also want to add A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful sister, CJR. She turns the big 3-0 today. I just know that this year is going to be an amazing one for her and her new life with Lobster. Love you guys!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Awww, Thanks!


Thanks SO much to CJR at Girl v. The World. She's an amazing blogger and, once again, I'm not sure I am deserving of this Beautiful Blogger Award. But I digress...

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Paste the award on your blog.
3. Link back to the person who gave you the award.
4. Share seven interesting things about yourself.
5. Nominate up to 7 more beautiful bloggers.
6. Link the seven bloggers you nominate.

Seven neat-o things about me. Well....I feel incredibly dull lately, but here goes:

1) I think I would be happy as a hamster if I owned a coffee shop on a beach. Coffee + beach + acoustic beats = bliss.

2) I'm starting to think that if I got another dog, I would want a golden retriever.

3) I cuss the most when I'm in the car.

4) I've become a book lover within the past year. I used to actually hate reading when I was a kid. I'm starting to wonder if my kindergarten teacher was to blame. I remember being very enthusiastic to read to her, and she never had the time.

5) I can't wait to have kids. I have always pictured myself as a mom.

6) I wish I could play an instrument.

7) I have prophetic dreams every now and then. (prophetic: foretelling events as if by divine inspiration).

Ok lovelies, thanks for reading, and thanks again CJR for the award!!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

God Works in Mysterious Ways

Guess what folks? I got myself a job.

In a nutshell, I applied for 842 jobs (on average) over a four month span. In that time, I was only called in for 2 interviews. The first interview was explained in this blog, and it was a shady pyramid scheme. The second interview was a decent and legitimate job.

And I got it.

Out of the 842 jobs I applied for, I'd say about 45% of them were in Austin, Texas. I was completely open (and mentally prepared) to move south to be closer to Happy Pants and start over in Austin, seeing as how I feel like I'm stuck in a rut here in the DF Dub.

But, oddly enough, the job I landed is in Fort Worth. On one hand, it's perfect. I abso-freakin-lutely love Fort Worth and have wanted to move to that area for a long time. I had been praying that a door would open where I needed to be, whether that was Austin, Fort Worth, or wherever. I ran into slammed door after slammed door and nothing came as smoothly or incredibly easy as this job.

I went to this particular business's website and found an internal position open, clicked "apply," attached my resume and hit "send." That was it. A whopping 25 minutes later, I get a call from Holly, who schedules me for an interview the following day. I go interview the next morning, and the interview goes so well that she calls the CEO and sees if he has time to meet me. He does. So I go meet with him. I feel that interview #1 went swimmingly. Interview #2 was questionable, as he was not as easy to read. But it was still a pleasant meeting.

On my drive home after a morning full of handshakes, nods, smiles, and politically correct responses, I'm exhausted. I drive home (in the snow, mind you) and I get a wave of depression. It's ugly. I want to shake it off but I keep feeling discouraged. I would never have considered this my dream job by any means. It may not pay enough and I may not even like it. But it's a job and I really need a job. And I realize that the CEO may not have even liked me, so I may have screwed up the only job that's been thrown at me. Too many thoughts running through my head.

Later, I anxiously await a phone call that never comes. I get really nervous because now I kinda want the job...I think. I go to bed that night, not knowing what the hell I want or need anymore. I'm at my wits end. I'm so tired of the hunt, the waiting, the rejections, the unanswered emails. I'm not sure I can do this much longer.

It was around 3 a.m. that I popped awake (BING!) and I remembered a dream I had about three weeks ago.

I dreamed that I was driving around with my boyfriend, looking for a place I was supposed to interview. After I found it, I walked in and spoke to a woman at the front desk of this really neat place. She told me that the CEO was in a meeting and would be out to meet with me, but to beware, because he was a bit intimidating. Once he came out, I realized two things. A) he wasn't intimidating, and B) he had a copy of my resume in his hand. I didn't have my resume on me and so I was relieved when he miraculously had one. He told me that he got it via email. Whew! Then he walked me over to a meeting table and we began a meeting. I felt important already. I really liked this place and this feeling.

So the reason I startled awake at 3 a.m. was because I suddenly realized how this dream paralleled with my real-life interview that day. Why, you ask?

1) The woman who interviewed me made me feel very important.
2) She then called the CEO and asked him to interview with me.
3) When we both realized I was without an extra copy of my resume, she emailed one to him.
4) She warned me that he may be intimidating.
5) When I met him, I decided he didn't intimidate me.
6) He came in with a printed copy of my resume (that I didn't supply him with).
7) I was wearing the same deep pink shirt and blazer that I wore in my dream.

Holy schnikeys! Do you see why I was freaked out?

So this gave me a sense of renewed hope that for whatever reason, whether I understand it or not, God was reassuring me about this job. Maybe telling me not to give up hope yet?

Two days later, I get the call from Holly congratulating me on my new job.

So why here and not Austin? I don't know. Happy Pants and I are both slightly bummed that an Austin job didn't pan out, but it's okay. We will be in the same city when the time is right. And apparently, I'm needed here for a bit longer. I just have to keep an open mind and a faithful heart.

Here's to a happy 2010 and a new job! I hope that you, too, had a new year filled with pleasant and unexpected surprises.