Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Trouble With Stubble

I should have posted this blog story a week ago, but since I am a bad blogger, I am just now getting around to it. Been trying to reach my inner blogginess. Yup, attempting to harness my "blog chi." You catch my drift.

Anyhoo, I wanted to explain a completely normal (for me) Friday at work. It involves a hint of stupidness, a dash of annoying, a pinch of spontaneity, and a dollop of touchy feeliness.

I started with my usual driving around and getting permits signed. I had an appointment first thing in the morning at a very lovely retirement home. I couldn't help but notice what a nice place this was. Heck, maybe when I'm 80, I'll move in too! After ten minutes (of speaking verrry loudly to a nice old man who could hardly hear me), I got my signed permit and I was off to go take on the rest of the world with a new spring in my step. I'm thinking "Alright, it's Friday, I got a permit, it's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, I love my new car...blah blah blah.."

Then I drive around and have zero luck at any other place until I get a phone call from someone I had been "stalking" for a permit. Hooray! I love when people return my calls.

"How funny, I'm in your area right now, may I swing by?"
"Well I'm leaving the house now, but will be back later this afternoon." [I hate hearing this]
"Oh, okay. What time should I come by then?"
"Oooohhh I guess I'll be back at 4:00"

Crap!! This is what goes through my head when this kind of thing happens:

a) I'm an hour and a half away from the mother ship (my office).
b) I'm ALSO an hour and a half away from home.
c) It is now 11:00 a.m.
d) I could just swing by anyway and have him sign it, but that would be rude because we just made an appointment for 4 and I risk him not being there anyway.
e) I could give up for today, but I need this one for tomorrow morning. There's no way around this....I must wait. Criminy!

Given that I now have 5 hours to blow (sigh!), I weigh my options:

a) Go home, hang out for 1 hour, and drive alllllll the way back?
b) Go shopping? (my inner voice, and financial guru Dave Ramsey's screams "No!")
c) Drive around and find things to do (total waste of gas!)

So I drive across town to the local teen and 20-something resale store (where they'll buy your old designer clothing from you) and sell a pair of my Joe's jeans. (my inner voice says, "Cool! I'll make a little money while I kill time. Then maybe I'll spend a little and not feel so bad. How resourceful am I!!")

They end up giving me a whopping $22 for my $170 jeans. Total gyp.

I get back in my car contemplating my next step. It's 12:00 now. Great. Four hours to go. And I'm $22 richer. Neato.

So I back out of the parking lot to get some lunch and nearly run over a couple of teenagers. Sheesh! What is my problem? I like to think of myself as a good driver. Thank God they were around 15 and had enough (not too much, but enough) common sense to dodge me. A few minutes in a retirement home today and I'm driving like a 90 year old!

After lunch I had a BRILLIANT idea. I will get a massage. There is this local chain of massage places and if you're a first time customer, you get a sweet deal. A full body massage for only $39! Ok, so that will blow one more hour! I mean, the jeans really paid for most of it, right? So I schedule my appointment. I'm excited now. This massage is much needed.

About 15 minutes later as I'm getting gas, a thought crossed my mind. "CRAP!" I suddenly realized how I ran around that morning like a bat out of hell and hardly did my hair let alone anything else. So obviously I didn't shave my legs. If I'm wearing jeans and running late, I don't necessarily consider shaving a priority (yeah yeah, judge away!). So I hike up my jeans and do the feel test. I can definitely tell that I need to shave. Dammit. Now this poor lady who has to massage me will also feel it. She is going to think I'm some kind of amazon woman who doesn't shave. Or a hippie. Or that I'm just gross and she'll probably think I don't shower either. Ew.

What am I supposed to do now? I can't cancel the appointment because she specifically stated over the phone that if I don't show, I still pay the fee.

So I sit in my car and contemplate my options at this point. I could:

a) Get a hotel room and shower and shave? (way too expensive and not worth it)
b) Just be hairy? Eeew.
c) Go buy a razor and find a place to shave? But where? And how?

I'm seriously annoyed by now. As if I didn't already get screwed out of the true value of my awesome jeans and nearly steamroll two teenagers. Ugh.

So I get to Chevron and attempt to purchase a razor blade without looking creepy. You know, just in case I choose option C above.

Of course, being inconspicuous is impossible! The cashier had to scream at me upon my arrival, "Can I help ya find somethin' hun?" Me, being the honest person I am tell her yes, a razor blade. She doesn't need to know why. After I purchase my only option, a three-pack of cheap blue men's razor blades, I ask where her restroom is. She proceeds to scream, "You aren't gonna shave are you?"

Nope. Not anymore. Thanks.

So I leave.

I have now decided I need my toes painted for an upcoming wedding that weekend. So I make my way across town to a nail salon. My master plan was to figure something out in their restroom. After my toes dry, I make my way to the restroom. I decide not to use water, but to just hike up my jeans and dry shave as quickly as possible (a trick I learned 10 years ago in Mexico on a church mission trip. Don't ask). I hurry because I don't want them to think I'm doing anything weird in there. Haha. Right.

So I make it to my massage appointment, and my legs feel semi smooth. Don't think she'll notice. I think I've done all I can do. My massage felt great. And I didn't even think about my burning dry shaven legs. Nope, I got into a zen place and had a very relaxing and wonderful hour-long massage. Plus, I never have to see this girl again, so who cares what she thinks of me?

Finally, 4:00 rolled around and I had my long awaited appointment with a nice man who signed my permit. By that time I was so relaxed that I couldn't hold it against him that I had a long, interesting, somewhat frustrating 5 hours spent solely for his convenience.

As he greeted me, he cheerfully asked, "How has your day been?"
And I simply replied with "Great!"
Enough said.

All you can do on days like this is just keep a sense of humor. I was pretty annoyed, but once I realized how humorous my day kept getting, I just had to laugh. (I was by myself, so I probably looked like a complete fool, but I laughed anyhow).

I haven't cleaned out my purse since that day, so every time I go digging around, I come across a cheap blue gas station razor blade and just giggle.
Who does that? Who carries a razor blade in their purse? I better remove that before I have to go to an airport or something.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Uber Freak

Hello Bloggy Bloggers!

I wanted to write about my freakness (and a few other things).

Let's start with summing up the last week: P-A-I-N.

Let me explain. I have what's called Ernest Syndrome. Yeah...I know. Who's heard of that? Even me, the extreme Googler on all symptoms/conditions/medical anomalies.

In a nutshell:

I had pretty severe jaw/ear/temple/face pain on my right side. It got so bad at times, that I started to lose sleep at night and was a walking zombie the next day. I went to doctor #1. We'll call him Doc Doc. Doc Doc was fairly young (30-something) and after a couple hundred (un-related) questions about my life and health, couldn't find anything wrong with me. Said I probably had TMJ and then prescribed me some Naproxin and Darvocet. Cool.

A few days later I go to doctor #2. My dentist. We'll call her Tooth Fairy. She proceeded to take x-rays and examine my mouth. She agrees that it's probably just TMJ and suggests I get fitted for a mouthguard. I was just relieved it wasn't a tumor in my jaw or something. So I leave that office with, again, no real diagnosis. Sigh...

The pain comes back a few weeks later in full force (crap!) and once I get desperate enough (I'm a tad stubborn when it comes to going to doctors) I go to doctor # 3. An Orthodontist. We'll call him Ortho Man. Ortho Man was kind enough to sit down with me and tell me everything he knows. I love this kind of doctor. He suggests TMJ as well but says that I'd be much better off going to doctor #4, who happens to specialize in TMJ disorders and such. We'll call him TMJ Dude.

TMJ Dude got me in THAT WEEK (thank God, because the pain was soooo bad) and I had a 3.5 hour appointment. Pretty in-depth stuff! And I just realized I'm not giving you the nutshell version AT ALL so let's get to the point. He said I don't have TMJ (thanks Doc Doc, Tooth Fairy and Ortho Man) but I have Ernest Syndrome and therefore, need to get multiple injections in my face. Thank God for people who specialize in craniofacial things. We love you. Problem solved. The end.

On top of all this mess, I started having heartburn. Sheesh. Talk about kickin' me while I'm down!

In other (more interesting, I'm sure) news:
My sister ( wrote a blog about how my boyfriend and I met. It was so cute and entertaining. I loved it!!! You should all read it because I'm wayyy too lazy to recreate it in my blog.

And in OTHER news:

I'm going to yet another wedding this weekend (with aforementioned boyfriend).

I told myself I wouldn't buy another dress for this wedding.

It is apparent that I do not listen (just ask boyfriend, he's convinced I ignore everything he says. But I don't meeeeaan to).

So I had some free time in my busy, busy schedule and walked around the mall just to see if a dress or some shoes jumped out at me. Of course, nothing did because inanimate objects don't move (or jump), so I proceeded to try on 4,287 dresses. I bought one. It's interesting. I have no shoes to match it. So what do you think I did next, bloggy friends? I had to buy shoes I won't wear ever again. Ugh.

Ok, I have to stop ignoring my dog now. He needs me. His little eyes are saying "feed me, woman." Or perhaps they're saying "what could you possibly be typing about for this long? Who really cares about your so-called Ernest Syndrome? Not me. I just want you to feed me. And then I want you to give me a dingo. Then I'd like to go to bed because that's the only time you sit still."

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

August Faves and Craves

Ok, so I've recently decided to post a list of my current favorite things each month! Now, don't expect a favorites things post on the 1st of every month, I'm not that organized , but I'd say every few weeks, I will try to post a list of my faves. It's really just for my own fun and amusement and hopefully for someone else who is bored and needs something to read. :)
Here goes....

I will call them "Faves and Craves!" Here's my August list:

Ed Hardy Love & Luck perfume - I'm in L-O-V-E with this perfume right now. When you catch yourself smelling your own arm all day, you know you have found love. (and have issues).

Monogrammed koozies - You can find cute ones like these at Hallmark stores. They're kinda pricey for a koozie, not gonna lie about it.

Monogrammed   Koozies Personalized TO YOUR PREFERENCE!

BEACH BABE on Multi-polka dot Fabric Koozie Black/White Zebra Striped Monogrammed Koozie Black Pink and Lime Big Polka Dotted Custom Monogram Koozie

Hudson Jeans - Not usually a fan of the pocket flaps, but these jeans make your butt look great (my boyfriend can attest to that), and who doesn't love a good butt jean?

EAS Active for Wii - I'm still working on the 30-day challenge and I like it. Not sure that you can lose weight off of this thing, but I do feel that it strengthens and could be a good addition to your existing work out regimen.

Dunkin Donuts iced blueberry latte - Delicious (if you're fond of blueberry flavoring) and sugar-free, just like the rest of their flavored lattes.

Shark Week - This week marks Discovery Channel's (annual?) Shark Week. The biology-loving girl in me is a huge fan. Tune in!


Turkey Tacos - This is a new weekly tradition in my family. It's really good. I prefer it much more than regular ground beef tacos. If you are a skeptic, I promise, you'll change your mind after you try them. Just brown some ground turkey and season it just like you would beef. Delish! (try turkey spaghetti too!!)

Cafe Press - Adorable, clever, and funny custom gifts, t-shirts, mugs, buttons. You name it. They've probably got it. You can also create your own stuff.

Ok, that's it for this month, folks! Hope you enjoyed it. Tune in next month for a new list.

Welcome Home Squishy the Polar Pearl!

I've decided that since it's Tuesday at 4pm, what better way to spend it than drink a cup of coffee and blog? Well, there is Oprah, but I've seen this one. So blogging it is!

Let me explain my ultra weird blog title. In less than 24 hours, I will be the proud new mommy of a brand new Toyota Highlander, who shall remain nameless (for now). Read on Bloggy McBloggersons...
You see, my sister and I are a strange pair. She recently became the proud owner of a brand new Honda CRV, which she appropriately named Baby Beluga, as it is light blue and happens to resemble a baby whale quite well. She's a pretty one. So she and I got together and brainstormed a name for my new baby. She's a beautiful pearly white. Here are a few of the front runners in no particular order:

1) Polly the polar bear
2) Stella
3) Snow White
4) Daisy (as in driving Miss Daisy)
5) Pearl
6) Squishy (e.g., Finding Nemo, "I shall call you squishy and you shall be my squishy...")

Yes, we have issues. And no, we don't care.

Feel free to throw name ideas out there. I will carefully consider them all. :)

And on a side note, I'm pretty mentally exhausted from learning everything there is to know about making a car purchase by myself for the first time. I think I've learned a lot, and I think I surprised myself in how much negotiating I was actually capable of. (I even had two car dealers playing tug-of-war with me and my car this morning competing to finalize the sale. Score!)

Here's to a big (scary/exciting) purchase and many years of good driving in my new SUV.