Sunday, January 24, 2010

A week of hard(ish) conversations

Remember I started that job that didn't pay well, but it was something in a time where I was desperate?

Well, my last day was Friday.

No more waking up at 5:30
No more driving an hour in God-knows-what kind of traffic
No more wearing a suit every day

No more paycheck (even if it was teensie weensie)

No, I didn't just up and quit. I thought long and hard about the thought of staying there. I also gained information that I wasn't given in my interview. Information that may have swayed my decision in ever starting. I was finally able to ask my questions and I got a highly disappointing answer. The day I found out that the chance of them paying what I needed was very low, I was completely bummed. Then I had to go to work every day pretending to care when, mentally, I had already checked out.

I remembered during my interview, Holly asked me to be totally honest with her. If I ever got bored, or decided it wasn't for me, to tell her and she'd be happy to find me something else. So I called her on a Thursday right at 5:00 and spilled the beans. It would have been MUCH easier to just leave and never come back and assume they understood why. But I owed it to them to tell them it wasn't where I saw myself in a few years down the road, and that it would never pay me what I needed. I have never in my life sat down a boss and told them that it wasn't going to work. That was hard convo #1.

Once the owner got wind of my leaving, he scheduled a time to sit down and talk to me. So I gave him the same info that I gave Holly. And, bless him, he didn't beg me to stay. Sometimes I get caught up or put on the spot, and I'm too nice and I'll agree to almost anything. But thankfully, he could see that I just wasn't passionate about the company. He was very gracious, and so was I. But it was still hard to look him in the eye and tell him that HIS company, his blood, sweat, and tears, wasn't my calling. That was hard convo #2.

Some other night that week, on my long drive home, I was talking to my boyfriend. He is probably almost as stressed as I am about my lengthy and painful job search. So during the conversation, we both got really stressed out and started taking it out on each other. However, we finally decided to act like adults and share our feelings - stuff we've put off saying (because at times, there is no point in bringing it up when there's no solution). He feels very out of control of the whole situation, as do I. The situation being us having been together over a year, and never having lived in the same area code. He lives in Austin and I live in DFW. Does it make us not want to be together? No. We can't imagine not being together. He said if we have to continue doing this long-distance, then he's in it for the long haul. But wouldn't it be great to not have to schedule a week in advance to see each other? Wouldn't it be amazing to just have dinner together after work? Unwind with a glass of wine together? Cuddle up and watch a movie on a rainy day? HELL YES! We want that!!! So that was hard convo #3.

Now I start from square one tomorrow. I have a list of places I want to call/email/apply. Some in Austin, some here in DFW. My boyfriend was up visiting this weekend, and we had a wonderful weekend together. It really made all the craziness fade into the background. :)

I also want to add A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful sister, CJR. She turns the big 3-0 today. I just know that this year is going to be an amazing one for her and her new life with Lobster. Love you guys!


*uncorked said...

Yikes, sounds rough. Sounds like you're being very mature and logical about your current situation and I think that will only be good in the end. Wishing you the best!!

CJR said...

Thanks, Cupcake! And I am praying for you every day for the job you deserve, whether it be here or in Austin. I want you to be happy and you and Happy Pants deserve to have those tiny little moments most other couples share on a daily basis. I know how you feel!

Linda Wood said...

Good luck in the job search.